An Innate Desire

An innate desire... We all possess it in one form or another.  When I think innate desire, I think of desires that come from the very core of your way of being.  It is that desire that you just don't have the courage to bring to the surface for fear of being shamed or having to live with the guilt of it all if manifesting that desire does not go according to plan.

Throughout the month, I have experienced many highs and lows in my life.  I have faced fear, guilt, and shame surrounding this.  However, an innate desire was born... 

This innate desire has been burning in my core this past month.  As a result of this, I have decided to pursue this desire and get curious around it.  By getting curious around it, I am exploring emotions surrounding it.  I am also exploring what is possible.  On practical terms, I am looking at logistics surrounding the manifestation of this desire.  The emotions surrounding it will be far greater than the physicality of this manifestation.

So what is my real reason for bringing this desire to the surface?  Let's just say that I am looking to challenge myself on a really deep level.  I have felt that I needed to settle a personal score with myself.  When it came to the surface, one of the first things I thought was that I have to "prove something" to myself and the world.  I have often compared myself to others and felt less compared to them.  This has affected me on many levels.  With the approval of a confidante, I am now planning to execute this innate desire to settle the score with my way of being, and to challenge myself to break out of my comfort zone at the deepest level.

Two things can happen.  This challenge can either make me, or break me.  It is up to me which wolf I choose to feed.  I do know that the lessons that I learn will shape my life and who I am.  For now, all I have to do is embody a YES and believe in what is possible with this life lesson that I am taking on.  I shall wear my "FEAR NOT" bracelet with pride and think of this challenge as an extension of my Magic Carpet ride at Baptiste's Level II...

The countdown is on...