Where Did All My Running Go?

My running... A source of curiousity amongst my friends in the running community - and for me too! Where did it go? Will it come back to me?

I shocked myself this past summer by taking a sabbatical from running.  I did not hang up my shoes and allow it to accumulate dust and spider webs though.  The sabbatical was forced upon me as I was battling illness that seemed to stretch on for months.  As soon as I thought I was recovered and ready to train again, I would be knocked right down and forced to back off.  So, my running was limited to a total of two races - both run with very little training - and some sporadic training runs in between.  

The two races I ran were run with my dear friend, Stacey.  We ran with the intention to have lots of fun, catch up on our respective lives, and not kill ourselves... hehehe.  While she had more training than me, life also got in her way where that was concerned.  We shared and endured torrential rain (for the first hour of the Creemore Vertical Challenge 50K and the last couple of hours at the Marquette Trail 50K), mud that came with the rain, a multitude of hills in both races as well as some mountain scrambling over the Canadian Shield rock at the Marquette 50K, laughter, our love for all things wild and free, and our first up-close encounter and love affair with Lake Superior.  I surprised myself in Creemore by running at a very decent clip and finishing with no painful effort.  I actually felt free.  Marquette's time was considerably slower but the intention was not to beat myself up over the course and regret it later on.  Stacey and I decided to enjoy the scenery, take pictures, and experience the course so that we can run it better the next time.

So, outside of those runs, what has really happened?  Nothing much!  Actually, a whole lot! I attribute illness within the past year with forcing me to slow down but that is only part of the truth.  My year has been consumed with any and everything Baptiste yoga.  Under the leadership of Baron Baptiste and his team, I spent eight days on my mat sweating out emotions and soaking up the Baptiste culture under a bubble in Hawaii for the Journey into Power Level I teacher training.  I sharpened my skills as a teacher during the Art of Assisting workshop during the Victoria Day long weekend.  I then had an adventurous ride to Menla in the Catskills Mountains (when my car decided that it wanted to stay in Canada, forcing me to grab an alternate mode of transportation complete with satellite radio) where I was forced to face my truth during Level II teacher training.

It all stemmed from an exercise where we had to strut on stage, declare our new way of being, the lie we are giving up, give our command statements (Tabernac!) and then proudly shout "AND THAT IS WHO I AM!!!"  I did my bit with a lot of fear and anxiety and got called out for it.  When we had to share our experiences, I stood up and as a hider, I declared that I can run, as well as hide, contradicting the statement "you can run but you cannot hide".  Baron called me out and said, "You have been running all of your life".  In spite of all my ultrarunning achievements, Baron quickly deduced that my running was being used as a tool to numb out any and all emotions in my life.  I did acknowledge that my running was an escape mechanism.  Advil numbs the physical pain, while endorphins keep me on a high that does not permit me to feel anything but pure pleasure.  This is a perfect remedy to pure happiness and joy! No brooding over heartaches, anger, uncertain, and fear. No need to hold myself accountable in that moment for anything that goes on or has happened just because I am on yet another run - my perfect alibi.  No need for drugs in this body!

Unfortunately, it can only last for so long.  I believe that me getting sick often was a sign for me to slow down and take care of life.  I definitely got the message in Level II.  In fact, many of my friends there, along with Baron, were relentless in keeping me on track.  The only running I did while I was there was to and from the dining hall where the way back was all uphill back to the cabin before (willingly) bush wacking and rock scrambling straight down the hill to the conference centre - instead of following the road - where I would be at the door checking my clothing for ticks before entering. As I sit here typing this, I am amazed at how this whole year has changed me.

My experiences have truly shaped me as I am at this time.  My running has taken on a whole new meaning.  Running for fun has always been what I do.  What has happened was that I was not present to what is really happening in the big picture.  For the last couple of years, my emotions have driven my running to the point where I just could not move.  This was manifested through illness.  My life on my yoga mat also changed as a result.  Now, as I move forward, I intend to truly enjoy the ride as it is.  My running will be more organic and mindful.  As I do with yoga, I will be sharing my skills with others in the form of coaching and teaching.  My dear friend Pino is giving me an opportunity to organise running workshops at Wynn Fitness in the upcoming year.  It will be a workshop filled with Joy, Gratitude, Personal Breakthroughs, Fire, and Victorious Celebrations.  I will still compete from time to time but it will not be in mindless and reckless abandon.  I will be properly trained, fuelled, and will check in with my emotions throughout. 

I have been giving credit to yoga for helping me with keeping my body open and mobile.  What a year of Baptiste yoga has done is given me another reason why my mat will always be there.  Beyond the mat, Baptiste yoga has given me the tools to face my own truth, reach out for support, and to help others do the same thing. I look forward to sharing this gift through my teaching, as well as my practise.

So, where did all my running go?  It did not go anywhere - it is what it is.  My running is how I see it - as it is.  It can be an emotional escape, a strict form of physical activity, an opportunity to breakthrough and exceed my growing edge, a social activity to be shared by others... It can be anything I choose to make it be.  For those who have helped me and supported me in my journey - Thank you!

Now to enjoy my run in a new light! 2013 will be an interesting running year :-)

Run Mindfully out there!