Playing it Safe - My Fear of Falling

As humans, we have been conditioned to life safely. A lot of is practical - Green means go, Red means stop; Never use electrical devices around water; Turn off the stove when it is not in use. However, living safe takes on a whole new meaning when you allow the risks to outweigh the benefits of just going for it.

I remember living with safety on my mind. For as long as I have remembered, I always read the safety rules in all manuals and books. If it was not safe, I knew it right away. I have been known to live cautiously. Even as an athlete, I always erred on the side of caution and pulled out when the going got tough.

As a trail runner, I knew about all the risks. There was always the risk of falling, encounters with the wild - from insects to weather to actual animals - and of course,  health risks such hyponatremia, heat exhaustion, and heatstroke. I played it safe as much as possible but kept on moving. As a rower, safety was paramount. This was especially true around water.

While playing it safe will increase your chances of survival, there is always a cost for playing it safe.  I have come to realise this over the past couple of days. I signed up and started the Advanced Series workshop at Power Yoga Canada. For four weeks, we will explore the Journey into Power sequence and building upon it. We will be flowing into various advanced postures such as arm balances and inversions - two of my favourite family of poses.  While I can hold arm balances and some inversions, there are others that have me frightened.  My latest one is handstands.  

Yesterday, Pino had us float into handstands and then to chaturanga and to stand at the front of the mat.  He then had us working on hovering in handstand with the wall as an assist.  While I am comfortable with the wall holding me up, and floating with the knees bent, getting off the wall in a full handstand is very scary for me.  I watch some of my fellow yogi friends floating into a comfortable handstand and can't help but feel a tinge of envy.  Yet, I can't see myself doing this.

What does it all come down to?  My fear of falling.  I am so cautious, I see falling as something not to do.  Now that I think about it, I seeing falling as a form of failure.  I have taken falls in my life that have caused me to turn inward.  There is the physical fall that may or may not injure me, and there is the mental fall - my perceived failures.  On the physical side, I have taken some falls that have stunned me.  During a trail run, I am so cautious when in the obviously dicey areas, that I fall flat on my face on the flatter sections.  I took a fall on a night hike a couple years ago that left me with minor whiplash.  I have not been out hiking with the group ever since.  When I think about falling, it seems to just happen.  Stand up paddling boarding was the perfect example last summer.  I made the resolve not to fall during the session.  It did not happen.  The fall happened while I decided to stretch my limits and try some yoga on the board. Whoops!

So, as I think about it, my fear of falling is limiting me.  To this day, I have not mountain biked.  I don't own a mountain bike and fear cycling on the terrain that I actually run on.  Just hearing about the injuries and knowing the risks keeps me off bike on the trails.  I am a road cyclist.  While my friends are whipping down some of the steepest hills, I am going slow - especially on grades where there are curves.  I have taking some falls while still clipped onto the pedals which happened while standing.  I do not want to think of what will happen on the road while dashing down a hill on a road bike.

Now that I am rediscovering myself and reinventing my life, I believe it is now time for me to get over that fear of falling and see falling in a whole new light.  Pino has committed to having me hover in a handstand before the end of the four-week series.  Three more weeks to go!  The quote below says it best.  So... Now to turn perceive failure upside-down and get back up with a greater strength.  If I can breakthrough during this workshop, I can breakthrough off the mat as well.