The Glorification of Busy - My 'Aha' Moment

After writing the last post of what my thoughts were on this topic, I left the office and headed to a rendezvous I was looking forward to - a Conversational French Drop-In group.  As I retreated to the subway to keep warm and dry from the rain, I started having thoughts on this topic.

I am very guilty of glorifying my 'Busy' story.  I am constantly looking for ways to keep busy.  In fact, I started recalling a conversation Manley and I have constantly had - a conversation about my need to keep busy.  As we got to know each other over the years that our friendship has grown, Manley has been able to somehow read me.  He has seen me through some of the roughest patches of my life over the last couple of years.  As I found yet another activity to fill the void, he called me on it.  He mentioned that I really need to stop being so busy in light of what was really going on.  He didn't say it in those exact words but he did narrow my habits down to my fear of being lonely and hurt.  For the longest time, I've lived by the saying that "an idle mind is the devil's workshop".  Being idle was taboo!

One of the growing edges I have to work on is the need to constantly analyze the next move, to always find a way to keep the anger and the emotional pain from consuming me.  Doing the Digital 40 Days program is one of the best things I did for myself.  By motivating myself to meditate for at least 10 minutes a day, I have found that my workday is a little easier to bear - especially when I meditate during my morning break.  In fact, I am craving meditation each day, especially when the mind starts to spin wildly and I get anxious and resistant.  It is amazing how perspective shifts when I take the time to slow down, and silence the chatter or - as it was called by Susan in one of her classes - the monkey mind.  While I still acknowledge that I have to work on what comes up for me in my life, I am grateful for the gift of mindful meditation which is available anywhere, anytime.

I may still be busy in my life, but I am now striving to presence myself to the awareness of when being busy is constructive, or when it is being used as a tool to take myself out of my life and to hide.